2013. I came out as gay to my friend – ruined my life.

Everyone has their best and worst years. Some people have small ups and downs but remain in the same position at the end. I most certainly had the worst year in 2013, when everything plummeted like a rollercoaster full of stocks crashing downhill at 100 miles an hour only to never rise. A lot of things have changed for the worse. I lost everything and gained nothing. It’s like a ‘Financial Crisis’ except I can’t fix it. It’s been eight years and it’s harder, and harder to put everything back into place as it was. As time passes by we are forced to face consequences for the past. This is what life is, just a huge game and you face challenges one after another.

In late of 2012 we moved to another European country, it was the second new country I got to experience firsthand. I don’t regret moving because it’s part of an experience and there are a lot of positive things that happened which I would never switch out for much better. Since this was the new chapter with a new beginning, I had the new opportunity to start everything fresh and exactly how I wanted. At the start of the school year, I was succeeding with communication, socializing and grades. It looked like I was passing my classes with high grades, I had multiple friend groups in school, I was working on my “childish” projects, and my parents were split half between good and bad. It felt so close to a dream, but little did I know that next year later I wouldn’t have anything in my possession. I felt spoiled even though I wasn’t. I did have the latest phone, more expensive clothes, premium memberships to every popular locations. In the year 2013, our private armed neighborhood was popular for bikes of people my age. Some had one or two bikes while I could get hold of multiple transportation units.

On early September of 2013 I was hanging out with my friend near the supermarket and I got a message on Instagram that my Spanish friend was 300 feet away from our current location, so of course, being me, I decided to visit him myself. What it looked like to me is that they were eating at our common spot. As I interacted with my friend, he told me to back off in an aggressive mood. Me not knowing what the deal was, I tried talking to him. That’s when a verbal fight broke out. Ten minutes after, I was sitting outside on my phone asking my friend if what just happened was okay according to them. They responded that it was just a normal catfight in between two friends and there’s nothing to worry about. For the next few weeks, I kept myself off social media, neither checking, responding or reading the recent and not so recent notifications I received. It felt unusual already. On a September Friday of the 13th while the rest of the family was out in community events and charities, private parties and sleepovers, I got three knocks on the front door at 2 AM. I opened and to only face my soon to be an old friend right into the eyes. He was in fear that something happened to me since ‘read’ wasn’t showing up on the messages he sent me.

After my friend left me that night, I thought nothing of it as just a bad month. Little did I know it would be just a bad decade that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I quickly became a different person like something I have never witnessed myself before. It was tough getting used to it because I didn’t want to. But I thought this was just a short mental breakdown depression series that would last a month or two before dissolving and not evolving ever forever further again in the future. As time passed on I didn’t trust or talk to anyone about anything almost. I keep hiding even bigger secrets and info every single year just like a computer who can’t offload it anywhere. I could be happy, but what it felt like short episodes were just a terrible joke. What haunts me to this day is that it happened almost 8 years ago, but I keep getting worse flashbacks to that day.

I tried to be as calm and positive about it even eight years later – attempting to write multiple books, even with my terrible writing skills. Now multiple digital books stay untouched on my hard drives, maybe I will finish writing them one day.

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